That Drifting Poo Was Far Too Symbolic! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Past Year.
As we consider the TV offerings of the past year, a handful of series emerge not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular failures. From awkward spin-offs to confusingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that had us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
How to start with this love/hate spin-off? Plagued with woeful scripts, painful arcs (we demand better for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. Briefly, as the final series began, it looked like it had at last hit its stride. Then arrived an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator declared this would be the last season. It concluded on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was just way too symbolic. Still, fans undeniably found joy picking apart every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a little sob?
All’s Fair
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’
But that was practically the least of this drama's problems. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon no-star review, it was hard to know where to start listing the problems. The hilariously wooden writing? The tedious glorification of wealth and materialism? The seemingly deliberate parade of cliches? Performances so poor they felt almost malicious? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. Except, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Considering the restraining orders, abuse allegations and fatherly failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d really have known it from this three-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive hedonism while failing to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any pity this show might induce should be saved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charming but flippant narcissist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Naturally we knew it was ridiculous from the get-go: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.
The Gangster Drama
Shady figures convening in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.
In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to accommodate unconvincing dialects. But there were plenty of other problems. Mainly that it was just really boring; a dispute over narcotics territory between various cockney picaresques which felt a bit basic.
With Love, Meghan
Considering the degree to which she grinds the gears of the nation’s performatively enraged commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into twee lifestyle as deliberate provocations. But then you view them and are compelled to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue come to life; a meme for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark sayings and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by vast, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are clearly interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, identity, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this three-part series opted not to say them. Rather, the experience was like consuming a marketing brochure. She clearly has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any favours with this guarded non-event of a series.
The Game Show
It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a famous star playing dead and a well-known personality managing her estate. What more could you ask for? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too confusing to explain what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up reeking of a production that was trying way too hard to emulate something far greater than it.
Too Much
How do you succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of famous cameos involved felt icky.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the shrewd inclusion of talented younger comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a single joke stretched to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar irate mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.
The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be treated with care. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lumbering from oddly breezy, somewhat mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A total mess? Very much so.
Prime Target
We admire the star … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a discovery that could destabilise society? No! This international thriller about government agencies targeting – and eliminating – intellectuals honestly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
The Bonnie Blue Documentary
This hagiography followed the content creator notorious for sexual escapades as she undertook her biggest feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was far greater interrogation of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the now-famous mum who appeared to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and absolutely no critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.
